My Big Adventure

Hi sweet people

I wrote this interview for a friend who is writing an article on Women Taking a Career Break and I’d like to share it with you all.  Her questions really made me think about what I’ve been doing and learning this year, and what I’m thinking and feeling right now as I come to the end of this Big Adventure and start preparing for my next adventure…

How long away?

I had planned to travel for a year… but now that I’m coming up to the end of my year, I’ve extended my trip – possibly for a few months… and then I’ll see what happens.  I definitely want to come back to England at some point to visit family and friends but, other than that, I’m in no rush to return home.  Really I’m looking for a career change and even a complete change of lifestyle, rather than just taking a career break. 

What made you decide to go?

So many factors came together…

I’d broken up with a long term boyfriend about six months before and moved out of our home.  I was already thinking about a complete career change but unsure exactly what I wanted to do next.  I wasn’t that happy living in London and I was fed up of working crazy hours.  I wanted to make a major lifestyle change but I didn’t really know where to start. 

And I was turning forty that year and that kind of makes you examine your life.  I felt like I hadn’t really chosen the life I was living, I just sort of fell into it.  I had this sneaking suspicion that I didn’t really “fit” into the standard mould – that the corporate treadmill, 9-5 job, city living, getting married, having kids thing just wasn’t right for me.  But I didn’t really see any appealing alternatives.  I felt like I was force-fitting myself into a life that didn’t suit me.  And, in the process, I had lost my joy for living, my enthusiasm and inspiration.

I wasn’t really very happy with the person I’d become or the life I was living, and I wanted to make some drastic changes… but I didn’t know where to start.  I knew what I didn’t want but I didn’t really know what I did want.  So it  seemed like a good time to take a break and simply work out what I really wanted my life to be. 

My intention was to find My Way of living and loving – more connected to myself, to others, to the world and to spirit.  I wanted to explore whether it’s possible to live a more spiritually and creatively enriching life, to contribute something meaningful to the world, and to make a living.  And also whether it’s possible to have a loving long term relationship without “losing myself”, without sacrificing my freedom and independence.  I wanted to know if it’s really possible to “have it all” – and, if so, how?

So I took a leap of faith and booked my trip with the intention of throwing out the Rule Book, ignoring what I think I “should” be doing, and simply working out what My Way of living and loving is. 

Alone?

I set off on my own and I’ve travelled alone, travelled with people I’ve met along the way, and lived in communities I’ve discovered on my journey.  

It was a scary proposition setting off alone so I started off doing an organized course for a month, so that I had somewhere to go and something to do to start off with, until I found my confidence to travel alone without a plan. 

This journey has been about finding my own path through life, my own way of doing things.  It’s been about learning to Walk Alone.  And yet paradoxically, it’s also opened my eyes to the true meaning of community.  I’ve met beautiful people along the way who have opened their hearts and homes to me.  I call them my Love Tribe – the people all over the world who have shared my journey with me, and become my extended family. 

What you did…?

I started off in Costa Rica at a Spanish and Yoga school.  My only concrete plan was to fly out of Brazil a year later.  I thought I’d travel all the way around Central and South America in that time.  I only made it as far as Nicaragua.  I fell in love with the country and never left. 

I spent four months painting and writing on a farm in a quiet rural village.  I’d always talked about writing a novel but never done anything about it… so I thought I’d give it a go.  Then I went to stay at an Earth Based Spiritual Community on Ometepe (an island in Lake Nicaragua), which was amazing – a truly transformational experience.  I spent a while beach hopping along the coast, and then ended up in the small beach community where I am now.  My flight home has expired so I’m kind of winging it now – living wild and free! 

Funding…?

Once I decided I wanted to travel, I just put my head down and worked and saved for six months. 

How much?

I’ve spent just over £10,000 over 12 months, including flights, insurance, and everything I bought before I left home.  And that has been a relatively generous budget.  I’ve done exactly what I wanted when I wanted.  I have stayed in some cheap and cheerful places but I’ve also stayed in some nicer places too.  I realised early on that I’m not twenty anymore and it’s ok to spend my money on the comforts and experiences that I want.  It’s been interesting to see how much guilt I carry around money.  And to learn about what’s really important to me and what I can do without, without feeling that I’m making a sacrifice. 

Earn as you went?

I did some bits and pieces in return for accommodation but not much.

Opinions of colleagues, friends and family?

A mixture.  Most people were excited and enthusiastic for me.  There were some concerns for my safety travelling alone in Central America, and also about my long term security – leaving a good job in a global financial recession, savings, pension, missing out on the opportunity to “settle down,” get married and have kids, etc.  But once I actually put my plans into action, everyone rallied around and supported me.  I really appreciated all the love and encouragement I received from family, friends and colleagues. 

Sabbatical? Paid?

No and no. 

Highlight?

Too many to choose from…

Each place I’ve been to has been better than the last.  And each experience has been exactly what I wanted (or needed) at that stage of my journey. 

What I’ve loved most about this trip is the freedom – to choose, to decide what’s best for me at any given moment, to really live in the present without judgment or expectation or demands, pressures, responsibilities.  It is all about me.  What do I really want right now?  What do I need?  It amazes me how difficult those questions can be to answer, how little I actually consider what I want in my day to day life.  I had to relearn how to check in with myself, how to listen to my heart.  I had to re-member who I am, my essence, and how to get back to that.  At the beginning, it was difficult to really know what I wanted. 

The highlight has been getting to know myself again.

And each phase of my journey has been an exploration – a different part of that process.  I spent the first part of my trip in a Spanish and Yoga school in Costa Rica trying to recapture my youth – or at least reconnecting with that spontaneous, carefree, fun loving, adventurous, fearless youthful part of myself that I felt I’d lost.  And in the process, I learnt a lot about who I am now – the grown up, mature woman who still has many of those elements within me (even if they’ve been buried deeply for a long time) but also wants different things now.  I learnt a lot about what I don’t want.  I realized that I wasn’t looking for a year of partying and backpacking.  I wanted a deeper, more introspective experience.  I wanted time and space to reflect and look within me, to explore myself in relation to my world, and to open myself to new ways of doing things, of being with myself and others, and of living true to myself – living wild and free.  For me, it was always more of a spiritual journey than just a travel adventure. 

So then I spent a month at a nature retreat, working out who I am and what I do want.  I knew I needed time and space for me first and foremost.  I wanted to connect with myself, to explore my inner nature – to find out who I am now and what I want – and to rediscover my passion for life, my inspiration and my creative spark.

Next I moved on to Nicaragua and spent a few weeks in Granada, enjoying the luxuries and comforts of a hotel room with hot water and closed walls – a real treat after the nature retreat!  And then I spent four months at a retreat centre in a quiet rural area of Nicaragua.  I started writing a novel – something I’d always thought about doing but never got round to – and I painted a huge beautiful mural, which I loved.  It was a really quiet solitary creative time for me – and I loved it!  And I realized how much I enjoy my own company.  I’ve never really spent that much time alone.  And after four months I was really ready for company!  I wanted to be with people again – to connect. 

So next I went to an Earth-based Spiritual Community on Ometepe Island called InanItah.  That was probably the most transformational time for me – a real highlight of my journey so far.  It was a time packed with insights and inspiration and revelations about myself and the way I want to live.  To me, the real beauty of this time was the holistic nature of the experience – living in community,  exploring new ways of interacting with people, of communicating and having relationships; living close to nature and exploring my relationship with the world, getting down and dirty, learning about sustainable living, and what I can really do without, and what comforts and luxuries I really appreciate and want in my life; combined with a deeply personal spiritual journey, an exploration of living connected to self and others, to the world we live in and the spirit within us and beyond – and what all that means to me.  It helped me to bring together all the parts of myself and balance all the things that I want in my life. 

After that, I went beach hopping for a while – a much needed, light hearted break from all my soul searching.  It was great fun, and full of all sorts of different people and experiences.  I went from dinner with a couple of 70-year old Old School Gentlemen to camp fire beach parties with a group of 20-year olds – and I loved it all. 

And three months ago, I arrived at this beautiful beach community in Magagual on the Pacific Coast of Nicaragua where I’m living now.  Surprisingly, this small beach community is my favourite place so far and has been one of the True Highlights of my journey – possibly one I would not have been able to truly appreciate at the start of my trip.  I’ve been here for three months, just chilling out on the beach, eating wonderful fresh food with beautiful people who have welcomed me into their community.  I write a bit, paint a bit, walk, sunbathe, socialize – or simply do nothing but contemplate my journey so far and what life I would like to create for myself now.  I’ve been here three months already and I’m entirely happy doing nothing – a far cry from the hectic busy London life I was living before.  I have slowed down and simply started to appreciate the beauty all around me, to enjoy the precious moments of my life. 

Ever feel lonely or isolated?

I’ve missed my friends and family deeply and there have been times where I’ve felt disconnected – phone and internet connections are not nearly as accessible or reliable as we take for granted in England.  There have definitely been several times when I’ve thought I’d love to just pop home for a few weeks to see everyone.  But truly, I’ve never felt tempted enough to actually return.  I haven’t missed England or my life there at all… and I’ve truly loved every part of my journey.  I never want it to end. 

Easy to make friends or settle?

I’ve met beautiful people wherever I’ve gone, I’ve been welcomed into all sorts of different communities and created my own Travellers’ Network – and I’ve always been able to rely on my family and friends at home for support too.  There have been several places on my journey that I now consider as home. 

Worst bits?

Setting out… and going home.  At the start of my trip, I was almost paralysed by fear.  It took me a while to relax into it and start really enjoying my journey.  I always used to think of myself as a Bold, Brave, Adventurous person – and I had to learn to accept what a Scaredy Cat I’ve become in my “Old Age” – how controlled I am by fear.  I’m scared of everything these days, scared of my own shadow.  And I’m more cautious and careful than I was when I was younger, less trusting, less abandoned.  But I’ve learnt to accept that fear is a real, tangible, sometimes overwhelming presence for me now – but it is not who I am and I choose not to let it control me. 

And my other low point was when I started thinking about going home again – back to Real Life – and it make me feel sick to my stomach.  Although I missed my friends and family, I realized that I really didn’t feel ready to go home yet.  And I realized that I didn’t have to.  It’s my choice.  So I chose not to go back yet.  I chose to stay here until I’m ready to leave, or until the money runs out.  And I feel much better about going home now.  I’ve loved my extra time here – my Bonus Time.  And since I’ve let go of the pressure and expectation I was putting on myself, ideas have started to flow as to what I might like to do next.  I haven’t decided on my next step yet but I’m started to feel excited and inspired (as well as fearful) – ready for my next Big Adventure, wherever it takes me. 

Any time you thought you’d make a mistake?

Never.  I’ve loved my journey, I’ve had amazing experiences, met beautiful people, learnt a lot about myself and my world, I’ve grown as a person – and I’ve always know that I could return home at any time if I really wanted to. 

What was it like coming home… culturally… financially?

I don’t know yet… hopefully, it will be yet another adventure. 

Your advice to others?

Listen to your heart.  Only you know what’s best for you.  If you’re not happy with your life, think about what you do want – and if you don’t know, just take a leap of faith and trust that it will turn out for the best… even if you don’t know what that looks like yet.  I think one of the hardest things to accept is that we simply don’t know what’s around the corner.  Not Knowing is not acceptable in our society but the truth is, we never know.  Life is about stepping into the unknown again and again and again.  It’s not what you do that matters, it’s how you do it – with love and joy and all the passion of your soul. 

What do you do now?

I try to simply live true to myself, and to appreciate the precious moments of my life.  At this moment, I am writing a novel and some short stories, writing poetry, painting, hanging out with new friends and enjoying the beauty of where I am right now.  I am trying not to worry about what the future will bring me but simply to trust that opportunities will arise and I will know what I need to do next when the time is right. 

How has it changed from what you did before?

I worried all the time about everything.  I spent too much time trying to plan and control my future, and not enough time enjoying and appreciating what I have right here and now.  I wasted so much energy trying to create a Perfect Life, that I forgot to live My Life.  Don’t get me wrong, I still worry and panic and go into a spin every now and then, but now I know how to take a deep breath and come back to myself and simply ask my heart : What’s the problem here?  What are you fighting against?  What are you not accepting in your life or in yourself?  What do you want now?

How long to find a new job?

I’ll let you know…

Main things you got from your experience?

Time and space for me to work out who I am now and what I really want.  I’ve found a deep sense of peace and a true appreciation of the beauty of our world and all the abundance it has to offer, and of the abundance of love and joy within myself.  I’ve rediscovered my passion for life and my creative inspiration.  Above all, I’ve learnt to throw out the Rule Book and find my own way of living – living wild and free, and true to myself. 

This journey has been life changing.  I am calm and content, creatively fulfilled, I am part of a beautiful community here in Magagual, Nicaragua, I have a beautiful relationship with a wonderful man – who is leaving in a couple of weeks but I am simply living and loving and appreciating our time together, rather than worrying about the future (although I still have my moments!!)  In fact, he taught me : “Don’t be sad it’s over, be happy it happened.”  And I’m trying to embrace that in my life. 

I am learning to live more fully in the present moment and to appreciate what I have right here and now.  And often I slip back into my old patterns, worries and fears, but now I know how to keep coming back to myself and this moment in time right here and now, because that’s all we really have.

And I’m both excited and fearful about my future.  I know that I need to make some decisions soon – to decide what to do next, where to live, how to live, how to earn a living and keep this beautiful life I’ve created for myself.  But I’ve learnt a couple of really important things… to trust myself : only I know what’s best for me, and I will always find my way… and also, I’ve learned that nothing lasts forever and that’s ok – the good, the bad and the ugly all end: “The only constant in life is change.” Everything changes and moves forward time and time again, whether you want it to or not, however tightly you try to hold on to what you have… so you might as well just let go and embrace change – simply embrace change.  And there is a freedom in that.  No decision is final.  There is no Happy Ending, no End Point or Final Destination to reach.  Life is just a series of beautiful precious moments, and all I can do is decide what makes me happy right here and now in this moment.  So now I am trying to embrace my motto : Live fully, love deeply, laugh often…